Beyond Surviving:

Suggestions for Survivors by Iris M. Bolton

 

• Know you can survive. You may not think so but you can.

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• Struggle with “why” it happened until you no longer need to know “why” or until you are satisfied with partial answers.

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• Know you may feel overwhelmed by the intensity of your feelings but all your feelings are normal.

 

• Anger, guilt, confusion, forgetfulness are common responses. You are not crazy, you are in mourning.

 

• Be aware that you may feel appropriate anger at the person, the world, at God, at yourself. It is okay to express it.

 

• You may feel guilty for what you think you did or did not do. Guilt can turn into regret, then to forgiveness.

 

• Having thoughts of suicide is a common reaction to a sudden loss. It does not mean that you will act on these thoughts.

 

• Remember to take one moment or one day at a time.

 

• Find a good listener with whom to share. Call someone if you need to talk or the Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.

 

• Don’t be afraid to cry. Tears are healing.

 

• Give yourself time to heal.

 

• Remember, the choice was not yours.

 

• Expect setbacks. If emotions return like a tidal wave, you may only be experiencing a remnant of grief, an unfinished piece.

 

• Try to put off major decisions.

 

• Give yourself permission to get professional help.

 

• Be aware of the pain of your family and friends.

 

• Be patient with yourself and others who may not understand.

 

• Set your own limits and learn to say no.

 

• Steer clear of people who want to tell you what or how to feel.

 

• Know that there are support groups that can be helpful, such as SOLOS, Parents of Suicide Loss, and Friends and Families of Suicides (FFOS).

 

• Call on your personal faith to see you through, and be okay with questioning your faith.

 

• It is common to experience physical reactions to your grief, e.g. headaches, loss of appetite, inability to sleep.

 

• The willingness to laugh with others and at yourself is healing.

 

• Wear out your questions, anger, guilt or other feeling until you can let them go. Letting go doesn’t mean forgetting.

 

• Know that you will never be the same again, but you can survive and even go beyond surviving.

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Resources for Loss Survivors

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If you need help with paying for costs associated with the loss of your loved one

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More on Coping with Suicide Loss from our friends at The Connect Program

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Coping with Suicide Loss Handbook  for Jefferson County

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Faith and Suicide: Suicide is the Most Misunderstood of All Deaths

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If You're Thinking of Becoming Involved in Prevention by Telling Your Story

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